• friend: you should've come with us!
• me: an invitation might have helped

• *Hears noises at night*: Well this is it, this is the end for me. I had a good life.
• *Gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now. How am I going to go on? Holy shit!
• *Heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack. Is this what cardiac arrest is?
• *A cop walks by*: Here I go, about to get arrested. I probably murdered someone. I'm sure they know about when I smoked that one time.
• *Taking a test*: Don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school.
• *Gets a sunburn*: Skin cancer.

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